How To Not Be An Interrogator
I’ve posted on listening before, and maybe you’ve tried it.
If you have, you might’ve felt like an interrogator. That can happen. Sometimes you ask questions and it’s an enjoyable conversation; sometimes you ask questions and it feels like you’re increasing the tension.
If you’re thinking more about the next question you’re going to ask than what the person is saying, people can tell. If you’re thinking more about what a good listener you are, people can tell. If you’re wondering why the other person never wants to listen to you, people can tell.
So don’t focus on yourself. Give yourself away. Be interested, not interesting.
Even so, sometimes you are actually being interested, but it still doesn’t work. If that has happened to you, here are two things to try.
The first is to practice asking questions in a neutral tone. We’re taught to ask questions by inflecting upward at the end. But a whole conversation with you inflecting upward will exhaust you and them. Practice this by recording your voice and listening to it.
It’s odd to me how well this works. People will answer like it’s a question, but they will feel like they are having a back-and-forth dialogue.
Asking questions in a neutral tone makes it feel like a conversation again.
The second thing is to never ask random questions. Have you ever heard a cop ask questions? They bounce around trying to catch you in a lie.
Instead ask questions that show you’ve been listening, questions that are connected to what was said earlier.
If you get stuck, just loosely connect a question with something they’ve said already. If they previously told you they owned a business, ask what they did before they owned a business. Or ask how they became a business owner. Or when did they first realize that they wanted to become a business owner.
You don’t need to be overly clever. You can even make sure you always have a few questions like those handy in case you need them.
What do you think?
Joseph